Today’s prompt: Pure
I’ve had quite a few people have prophetic words for me about being pure. Basically what that means is God speaks through people to tell me something – and that’s the something God wanted to say. It’s one of those prophetic words that has out-lasted seasons, cropping up here and there every so often.
I’ve often found it hard to hear.
~ Pure: wholesome and untainted by immorality, especially that of a sexual nature. ~
That’s a huge thing to live up to, really. To maintain a committed lifestyle among the craziness and messiness and the dirt that is life. If you know me, you might end up finding out more on here than you’ve ever known about me. But I feel like that’s a good thing to get out there.
I can see why people would say I’m pure. That’s not being big-headed, there’s just a way that I am that I can see how people would see me as already pure. I think some of the words from people relate to that existing purity; an encouragement I guess. But there is so much that goes on behind closed doors and consumes my thoughts or life that no one sees. It’s not so bad now, but especially as a teenager I really struggled.
I had a long term boyfriend pretty much the entire time I was in secondary school. We thought we would get married and that made it feel okay for us to be intimately involved. After five years, things ended between us. I still think, had we both wanted to, we could have ended up married – although I’m so happy with where I am now and wouldn’t change it for the world. We both grew up and grew apart I guess, the classic line, but it speaks so truly for our past. At the time not many people knew of this ‘impurity’ that got to me.
It didn’t get to me because I was told it was wrong. It didn’t bother me because people could judge me. Of course, I can’t deny that there are environmental factors that will always affect my way of thinking. The reason it bothered me was because I was becoming so vulnerable and creating a tie with a guy who might not remain in my life. I haven’t seen him for almost five years now, yet I still feel a little tug on my heart sometimes. Because those acts that were made to be so pure had become contaminated with lust and premature action.
I feel that some other people’s words of purity for me were speaking into my life and proclaiming it over me; freedom from this impurity. You are pure. Stop fighting the purity. Be who you are. You are pure.
Funnily enough, 90% of these people don’t know my middle name, and I doubt the remaining 10% know its meaning.
~ Kathryn: comes from the Greek meaning for ‘pure’~
Every time I get the word I’m reminded of how God knows me and loves me. Of how impurities are washed away daily. Of how I am created to be pure and I claim that as my identity. I turn from my old ways towards the purity of His heavenly love.
This post feels a bit more rambly and less complete, but I’m trying to reach a point where I’m okay with just posting something, complete or not, so that I don’t end up with 20 drafts and no posts.